Sedgeleaf

Summary
Sedgeleaf is the ShadowClan medicine cat and is played by Caelinus. He has a black coat with some white markings and vibrant green eyes. Altruistic, he gives everything that he is to others; he has an INFP personality, would be in Gryffindor, and suffers from some depression as lost his first love when he was an apprentice.

Reason for Name
Sedge - for his black fur.

-kit - traditional suffix.

-paw - traditional suffix.

-leaf - for his extremely caring heart and demeanour, and excellence at botany.

Personality
Sedgeleaf lives primarily internally, focusing on things based on how he feels about them and instinctively responds to them based on his emotions, as well as how they fit in with his moral code. His secondary mode of processing things is externally focused on his intuition, which corresponds fairly well with his values and beliefs; although he is very rational and capable of seeing things for the facts, it is not the way he traditionally looks at things and rather he is often clouded by his emotions. He is extremely focused on making the world a better place for everyone around him, regardless of what that means for him; he wants to find the purpose of the world, the purpose for his existence, the reason he and everyone else is stranded out here and how they can make something of themselves to become fulfilled in life and not have anything left to live for by the time they each die. He needs to find his own individual meaning, the reasoning behind his life, and he believes that the best way to do that is to serve others and help them find theirs while he works on finding his. Sedgeleaf believes that helping humanity is the way to properly serve his life, and he feels that his role as medicine cat is the best way that he can do that. He is a bit of a perfectionist, and drives himself hard in his quest for meeting each and every goal that he has ever set for himself -- these range far and wide but are almost exclusively related to helping those he cares about. A bit of an idealist as well, Sedgeleaf sees the good in everyone and rarely the bad.

Highly intuitive about those around him, he relies heavily on his personal intuition to guide him through everything. Anything that he discovers is applied to his hunt for the value in life, as that is his primary goal: finding the truth and meaning in everything, every action, every movement, every second that passes, for each individual. And he is completely devoted to this task, watching others to see what purpose they give themselves and reflecting that to try to figure out what best applies to him. Through everything, he still believes that his purpose is related to servitude of his Clan, and for others in general. He could never stand to leave someone in need, and would never do so because it is not in his nor the other party's best interest. Every single encounter that he has, every single piece of knowledge that he gathers from everyone else, is taken and sifted through his value system to see where everything belongs and such where that cat belongs... as well as what right and wrong should be, according to society, and he adjusts his perception of that based on the actions of others. As mentioned, he is an idealist, and believes that everyone acts with a purpose and an innate desire; what, exactly, that desire may be is not up to him and not necessarily known by him, but he will do what he can to understand everything. All information gained is used for himself as well, defining who he is and refining his path in life (even though in the end it all seems to boil down to the same thing: helping others). No matter what, his goal is always to make the world a better place, and he is driven by his instinctive desire to see others happy.

Sedgeleaf is extremely thoughtful and considerate; one of the tasks that he has assigned himself in his attempt to find his place is to be there for others, and to ensure that he does not disrupt their personal paths. He does his best not to upset anyone else, for any given reason (although his humour can be a little bit insensitive, as sometimes he remarks things without thinking about how they might affect his companions beforehand). Because of this, he is a very good listener and is very skilled at giving some semblance of advice, even if he hasn't been through a certain situation before; he can think through how he would respond, and how that might end up, and what the best possible way to go about it would be without causing more conflict. He tends to put others at ease with his fairly laid-back attitude, welcoming of just about anyone. Despite the fact that he is fairly reserved when it comes to emotion, partially due to his experience as an apprentice but also due to his nature, he cares very deeply about others and is genuinely interested in understanding anything and everything he can about them, from how someone functions as an individual to how the Clan breathes as a group. Generally, others can sense this sincerity, and because of this they value Sedgeleaf as a trusted friend and confidante. He can be extremely warm with those he knows very well, and is still warm even with strangers who do not have an established hostility towards him.

Possibly one of the reasons that he became a medicine cat is because of his dislike of conflict, physical or verbal, and his anxiousness to avoid it. Even just battle practise with Bluerain (which is necessary even for normally peaceful cats) was a struggle for him, because he detests it so much; he is not prone to fighting and feels awkward when there is tension. When he is forced to be in a conflict, he will approach it from the way he feels on it; it doesn't matter who is right and who as wrong as long as everyone in the fight understands each other, physical fights aside. He instead focuses on how it affects his emotions, and does his best to avoid feeling badly; this means avoiding getting beaten down himself, while also avoiding beating down the other party. However, this can make him sometimes seem irrational and illogical in a fight; he will try to find what workaround he can to be a mediator. When he isn't directly involved, he is skilled at this, and can be fairly efficient at solving the conflicts of others because he intuitively understands their perspectives and feelings, and he instinctively, sincerely wants to help both of them feel better and come out of it for better instead of for worse.

He is fairly flexible and laid-back until someone challenges or violates his values, morals, or beliefs. In the face of a threat, he will become an aggressive defender, standing up for what he believes in without fault and with plenty of fierce passion. Sedgeleaf does not like to be shaken or have his intelligence or beliefs questioned, regardless of whether or not they are worth questioning, and will defend them until the end. Even so, after the argument he will consider the other side and let that potentially continue to shape how he feels about things, adapting and overcoming to hopefully become better for it. When he has found something that he is interested in, it becomes a purpose for him to exist and he will grip it with everything that he has, fighting for it to stay relevant and reason for him to be. He will cover every possible detail with determination and detail while working for it, going over it repeatedly until he feels like he has accomplished something, and then he can argue that he does have a reason to be there; if for nothing else, then for that. However, when it comes to the more mundane parts of life maintenance, he can be somewhat oblivious to it unless it intertwines with his interests. While he may not notice that his own nest is messy, his herbs will be neatly, perfectly stocked and stored, with him knowing where things are instinctively because he follows the same routine.

Sedgeleaf is not a big fan of dealing with concrete facts and logic; to him, his emotions are more important, because facts cannot necessarily explain why someone reacts like that to a certain situation but like that to another. The only purpose he really finds the concrete to have is in medicine, because generally the same herbs treat the same things. Even then, however, nothing is law; sometimes treatments don't work for certain cats and he has to find something else to replace it. His focus on the so-called 'human condition,' however, makes it somewhat difficult for him to deal with impersonal judgement; he doesn't believe nor understand the validity of it, and naturally isn't exactly good at using it. Because of this, he avoids it similarly to how he avoids conflict.

He has extremely high standards, and is very much a perfectionist. The one who is affected by this most is him himself; generally, he expects himself to be absolutely flawless, and mistakes just dissuade him further. Every patient he loses makes him moderately depressed, though he does his best not to show it, and he never gives himself enough credit. Sedgeleaf can also have difficulty working with others, because his standards are so much higher than anyone else's, and he might end up trying to control them because he needs them to meet his qualifications otherwise he will not sleep easy that night. He needs to work on balancing his ideals with everyday life, and learn to be a bit more relaxed with himself and accept that everyone makes mistakes; the main difficulty he has with this is that his mistakes can cost someone his or her life. Because of losing Foxfire as an apprentice, and losing patients later on in his career, Sedgeleaf does not know if he will ever be truly happy with himself, and at times he feels confused, lost, and paralysed when wondering what to do with his life; although he is not suicidal, sometimes his thoughts border on that because he occasionally loses sight of his purpose and that terrifies him.

Because Sedgeleaf is an idealist, he searches for the good in everyone that he comes across, regardless of who it may be and what he or she may have done. He enjoys searching for them because it reminds him that there is still humanity in the world, there is still good, there is still something worth living and fighting for; he has an uncanny ability to do this, selecting it and picking it out and seeing it whenever he sees that cat wandering around. He likes to believe that really, deep down, everyone is good, from Tigerstar to Firestar and back again. Very forgiving, Sedgeleaf allows himself to recognise the trait and promise himself that it is simply hidden beneath other ones, but still there. Regardless of how many terrible things someone does, he tends to believe that deep down, he or she is still truly good by nature and that circumstance is the only thing that caused him or her to do something bad. This applies to situations as well; he does his best to be optimistic, trying to cheer others up when everything comes crashing down with the hope that it will work and, again, give him a purpose. He also searches for ways to make things better, and in order to do so sometimes he will compliment others on their positive traits to help remind them that yes, someone is noticing what they're doing well, and that it's a good thing and should continue to happen. He is good at making others feel good about themselves, even if just for a brief moment, because he does his best to remind them that they have purpose so they do not feel the same existential crises that he occasionally gets.

Sedgeleaf can be seen as calm and reserved, and for the most part, he is; visibly around the camp, he will be tame and laid back, joking around with his Clanmates and doing his best to ensure that everyone is having a good time regardless of how gloomy and bleak things may appear otherwise. Although his jester side isn't the one that he shows most frequently, it is still one that he tries to let out especially when things are tense in order to diffuse it some. Despite how calm he may seem, he has a fierce inner fire and passion that can light up the room; he can be misunderstood, however, because many do not know the inner workings of his mind and they may not realise he thinks and understands things the way that he does. But when he finds others he feels comfortable with, others who do understand him to a deeper extent than the rest of the Clan, he thrives and is happy and inspired with his life, feeling as though he has purpose again when he may have not before then.

Because he has a tendency to lead his life based on his personal principles, rather than based on those of the Clan around him or on logic, excitement, or practicality, he will look to honour, beauty, morality, and virtue when advancing with his life. He is driven by his own purity, and his desire to make the world happy without rewards nor punishments. Materialistic things mean less to him than knowing that he lives in a satisfied, healthy, and above all happy Clan. Although he is somewhat proud of this, he very rarely shows it, feeling as though he still does not have a true purpose beyond healing the Clan (and when he loses patients, even that seems pointless to him) and that it doesn't matter that he works to ensure their happiness when he does not feel like he is doing an adequate job. Sedgeleaf knows that his drive is not well understood, and so he does not confide in many others about it, preferring to keep it under wraps so that he is not judged by the Clanmates who are pushed by ambition or greed. He can feel somewhat isolated at times because of the dark secret he holds (that of his fear that he has no purpose, and that life is not worth living) but he does his best to blend in with the rest of the Clan and be as optimistic and happy as possible, for the sake of his Clanmates.

Sedgeleaf is able to communicate deeply with others, and can easily speak in metaphors instead of normal language. Frequently he will give an analogy that might make absolutely no sense to anyone but him, because of his creative mind dreaming it up and making it work to him if nobody else. He understands the hidden meaning in things, regardless of what it may be, because he himself puts hidden meaning in things and can see when others do the same. He communicates intuitively, working on what he knows deep in his heart to help others understand each other. Sedgeleaf expresses and explores his own ideas by projecting himself into his work, showing how he feels about things based on the way his herbs are organised one day, or sometimes even what he is out looking for when he is restocking. He is talented at self-expression, though because he does not feel much pride in himself, he does not do so often. However, when he feels motivated to, he is very capable of revealing his own inner beauty and secrets through metaphors or some other guise, without letting out the truth in the open for fear of what it might bring.

He tends to focus on just one or two others at a time, preferring to give them all of his attention and time instead of spreading himself out too thin and wearing himself out (which would then result in him becoming dejectied and disappointed by himself for becoming overwhelmed by the badness in the world that he is unable to fix). When this happens, it is a bit of a catastrophe; he falls behind in his work, gives cats the wrong treatment, and just falls apart until he can pick up the pieces again. Luckily for Sedgeleaf, and for ShadowClan, he can be fairly resilient and will rebound from this fairly quickly. However, he can also lose himself if he does not concentrate; he needs to remember to balance himself between himself and bettering the world, and generally the latter comes first. He may daydream or just drift off into deep thought, staring at nothing, wondering about the theoretical and impossible and questioning his existence even further. Too much thinking is back for him because he begins to lose touch with what is real and what isn't, and why he really is here, and he withdraws into a shell and has difficulty coming back to the real world. Instead, he feels like he is watching from StarClan, staring down at his Clan like they're a play that he is watching.

However, Sedgeleaf's affection, creativity, altruism, and idealism will return regardless of anything, and he will have a different perspective on the world than he previously did and do his best to drive his Clanmates to be compassionate, kind, and find beauty everywhere they go. Of course, keeping in mind this is ShadowClan, his perspective on it will also be a bit twisted to match the world of darkness, rather than everything being bubbly and happy like in other Clans. He is very idealistic and can be recognised for his optimism, as well as his unshakeable belief that everyone is inherently good at heart -- perhaps misunderstood, if anything. This allows him to bounce back when things go wrong, and life gets tough. Sedgeleaf seeks and values harmony in the world, ignoring the typical search for power in favour of ensuring the sound of every voice in a diplomatic manner. Laid back, he is also fairly openminded and flexible with his ideas and will allow them to morph to fit the Clan and his Clanmates, to an extent; he would never condone Tigerstar's treatment of kits, for example. He can also be extremely creative, in speech or otherwise, and sees things from unconventional perspectives. Passionate and energetic, Sedgeleaf puts a lot of love and dedication into what he does, and he will never leave something that captivates him alone. He wants to know everything about it, his curiosity getting the best of him. All of his time, thoughts, energy, and emotions are put into his work, and he will help out wherever possible with others. He is an extremely dedicated, hard working tom, and is relentless in his efforts to take care of his Clan.

Unfortunately, Sedgeleaf can be too idealistic at times when he sets himself up for disappointment as cats repeatedly fail him when he expects them to always be good; he needs to recognise that, unfortunately, there is still evil in the world. The only problem with that is that when he does see it, he can only view himself as evil after causing Foxfire's death, and that sends him into a cynical depression that he can't just rebound out of without help. He is also too altruistic, wanting to give more than he can and seeing himself as selfish whenever he spends any time with himself. He can also tend to be impractical, neglecting daily things in favour of one thing that has captured his attention and very frequently losing quite a bit of sleep over it. Sedgeleaf also takes things personally a little more frequently than he should, allowing criticisms to seep into his bones instead of inspiring him to evaluate himself and change. He avoids conflict with a passion, putting a lot of effort into ensuring that his principles and criticisms are on a middle ground so everyone can be happy.

Traits
Positive:

- Helpful.

- Clever.

- Confident.

- Playful.

- Passionate.

- Affectionate.

- Persistent.

- Quick learner.

- Intelligent.

- Outwardly optimistic.

Negative:

- Cynical.

- Jealous.

- Not great at fighting.

- Defensive.

- Can be insensitive.

- Not good at moving on.

- Not very open.

- Blames himself for his Clanmates' deaths.

- Sharp.

- Close to death emotionally.

Fears:

- Losing a loved one.

- Spiders.

- Heights.

- Falling in love.

- Life.

- Losing patients.

- Being judged.

- Being blamed for every single mistake he's ever made.

- Drowning.

- Water.

Family and Relationships
Paternal Grandfather: Darkwhisker, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan.

Paternal Grandmother: Stormbelly, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan.

Father: Crowfoot, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan.

Paternal Aunt: Mousenose, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan.

Mother: Birchbelly, a grey she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Bran.

Adoptive Maternal Grandfather: Spiderstrike, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan.

Adoptive Maternal Grandmother: Swiftheart, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan.

Adoptive Mother: Nightcall, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan.

Half-Sister: Sagepaw, a grey she-cat; apprentice of ShadowClan. Played by Moonaloo.

Mate: Lionsong, a ginger tabby she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Zebra.

Daughter: Maplekit, a tortoiseshell and white she-kit; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Tyl.

Son: Firekit, a ginger tabby tom; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Caelinus.

Son: Redkit, a ginger tabby tom; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Rowan.

Daughter: Cardinalkit, a tortoiseshell and white she-cat; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Fallow.

Daughter: Thymekit, a tortoiseshell and white she-cat; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Zebra.

Former Mentor:  Bluerain, a grey tom; medicine cat of ShadowClan, died by means of lake.

Future Apprentice: Redkit, a ginger tabby tom; kit of ShadowClan. Played by Rowan.

History
Darkwhisker and Stormbelly were two fairly ordinary cats, both with dark coats. They became close as young warriors, and although they didn't have kits very quickly, they did soon thereafter have a small family that consisted of Crowkit and Mousekit. Spiderheart and Swiftheart had a very similar story; they fell in love as warriors, and had an even smaller family that was only Nightkit. She was born two moons after Crowkit, and the tom was quick to befriend her. The trio -- Crowkit, Mousekit, and Nightkit -- were the best of friends, almost like the three musketeers. They were constantly getting into trouble, playing, and when the elder two were apprentices, sneaking the kit out of camp after dark even though she wasn't allowed to be out. As all friends do, Crowpaw and Nightkit had begun thinking of whether or not there may have been a future in store for them; as it turned out, there was.

They fell in love as apprentices, but still never gave up on Mousepaw, involving her in all of their shenanigans. Their lives were fairly uneventful, and eventually they became warriors, where their bond only grew stronger. Before too long, Crowfoot and Nightcall became official; Mousenose was moderately jealous of the fact that her brother had fallen in love with someone before her, but she didn't let that get in the way of their friendship. However, at one point, Crowfoot had a brief affair with Birchbelly, and she forced upon him their kits with Crowfoot telling Nightbelly that they had been found in the forest -- well, kit; Sedgekit was alone, and it was a complete shame for his ever-playful soul. His anxiousness to play with anyone he could meant that Mousenose was frequently pretending to cower at his attacks, swishing her tail in circles until he dizzied himself to sleep.

Sedgekit had been devoted to his parents, and loved them dearly. Crowfoot, unfortunately, was not always around, and only came to see him every couple of days. However, when he did, he gave the kit all the attention in the world. Nightcall was affectionate and loving, and she (along with Mousenose) played with him until the moon came up, both teaching him what they knew. However, he never really took an interest in their hunting crouches or fighting stances; he was drawn to the medicine cat's den from a very young age.

Shortly after his birth, another litter of kits was brought into the nursery, and one of them was a beautiful orange she-cat with a white underbelly, and the two of them very quickly bonded, and it would be a lie to say that they didn't very rapidly develop feelings for each other. The two grew together, but even though his heart was taken by the kit -- whose name was Foxkit -- he still felt that his duty was to become medicine cat. In his mind, as long as they were allowed to love each other (even without making a family) he would be happy. Bluerain took him in as his apprentice, and the tom thrived under his care, learning very quickly. Because of his quick learning, Bluerain allowed him the grace of spending a bit of time with Foxpaw.

When he was nine moons, and she a little younger, they sneaked out of camp one night. They were enjoying the forest, the smell of the pines, their own company, and wandered out onto the dock out of their curiosity. Although Sedgepaw was mildly concerned about going out there, because he wasn't sure that it would be safe, he followed her out. This was partially in an attempt to look brave in order to impress her. Once they got out to the edge, she pounced on him, knocking him into the water; enjoying himself and wanting her to do the same, the tom reached up and tripped her so she fell in as well. However, he was not aware that she did not know how to swim, and immediately her body started to sink.

The tom ducked his head under the water, hoping to see her resurfacing after just getting her ears wet, but instead he was greeted by the murky sight of her pawing frantically at the surface. The tom swam down and tried to help her, but because he was not a talented enough swimmer and he was not strong enough to carry them both up, she eventually resisted his attempts to help her until he gave up. The tom stared down at her gradually sinking body, watching the light fade from her eyes, feeling his own lungs want to give up. He saw her mouth an 'I love you,' something that he has not told anyone since the incident, and though he wanted to join her he found himself returning to the surface.

In a frantic, hysterical, depressed state, Sedgepaw sprinted back to camp and confessed everything. The tom fell into a depression, not doing as well at Bluerain's side but because his mentor understood the grief, he did not try to push the tom to cheer up. After a few weeks, Sedgepaw did so on his own, gradually regaining his previous personality, but with a new terror of water. He resumed training as normal, back on track for the average apprentice because he'd gotten far enough ahead in his happier moons. As time passed, nothing overly shocking happened, until he was about sixteen moons.

Shrikestorm came in to Bluerain with one of her newborn kits in question, and Sedgepaw -- who had recently gained his full name of Sedgeleaf -- was shocked to discover that the warrior wanted to kill the kit because he was disabled. On top of that, she had received Adderstar's blessing. Bluerain had Sedgeleaf shadow him while he made sure that Shrikestorm went about killing him in a humane way, but the apprentice was still bewildered, and distanced himself from the family even while the medicine cat intervened whenever the father tried to inform his kits of what their mother had done.

Beyond that, his training was uneventful, leading him to take on the full position of medicine cat following Bluerain's vanishing.