Smokepaw

Summary
Smokepaw is a ShadowClan apprentice and is played by Caelinus. He has a black coat with some white markings and pale green eyes. Since he found out that his mother killed his brother, he has become selectively mute; he has an ISFJ personality, would be in Ravenclaw, and is trying to mend his relationship with his family.

Reason for Name
Smoke - for his wispy black and white fur.

-kit - traditional suffix.

-paw - traditional suffix.

-step - for his stealthy movements and agility.

Personality
Smokepaw is constantly finding himself in the rift between figuring out who he used to be and figuring out who he is now, and trying to understand how he can bridge the two and fall back into his normal, natural personality instead of the tiny shell that he has forced himself to be inside of now. He went from being fairly bubbly and energetic and has since fallen into a depression, feeling nihilistic and seeing no true purpose for his life, seeing no real morals, seeing no real reason for things to be the way they are; he is trying to pull himself out of this rut, mending his broken relationships. However, it is very difficult for him, because he spent half of his life in this darkness and it is a struggle to attempt to find himself again and he doubts that he will ever be his true self once more. Still finding it difficult to speak, Smokepaw was afflicted by selective muteness due to his depression, and talking for extended periods of time wears out his throat and leaves him aching to rest a bit.

He lives internally, trying to be as concrete about things as possible and allowing himself to process things the way that they appear as opposed to letting them be affected by things such as his beliefs and emotions; he feels like they just get in the way of things, and they are not welcome things to have around because of this. Secondarily, he takes things in a way that can be a bit more positive and true to his self; he analyses them based on his external side of his values, pulling things in in accordance to how he actually feels about them -- though this is more distant, because he fears how his emotions will affect him as he sometimes feels as though he has absolutely no control over his natural responses.

Smokepaw aches to live in a world that is concrete, with everything laid out simply and obviously in a way that he and others can see and process, a world that has naturally good values and morals and one that is always kind to even those who are suffering the most. He is working on finding this, and seeing the world through this lens, instead of the much less optimistic one; he wants to know that things are static, and that rules won't just suddenly change because someone decides that those rules shouldn't apply to him or her. Deep down, he is warm and kind-hearted, loving of just about anyone and anxious to see the best in each individual; this has been clouded by a cynical part of him, leaving him to wonder if there even is any good in others simetimes. He wants to see the world working in harmony and cooperation and he is very sensitive to the way others feel even though they don't tend to give him the same respect; as he gains confidence, he will likely be valued for his consideration of others and his awareness of their emotions, as well as his ability to bring out the good in others by his firm desire to find that goodness and prove it still exists.

His inner life is not one that is traditionally visible to those he is not close to, and it isn't obvious about it because he feels moderately insecure about its existence; he brings in information about situations and Clanmates that hold a special importance to him, storing it away and analysing it when he feels that it is necessary so that he can understand why they do what they do, why they act the way that they do, why their decisions do or do not impact them the way they do him or potentially others. It is almost always accurate after he has thoroughly thought it through in order to understand it, though as he is young and does not necessarily understand all of the workings of the world sometimes he does have errors in his judgement. However, he does have an exceptional memory about things important to his own value system, and tends to try to understand the values of others so he can understand why his Clanmates function the way they do because he is not entirely what 'proper' values are and he wants to know what they should be. Even so, he can apply these observations to these values and understand how others may respond, and attribute that to his memory as well. He can sometimes go so far to recall a certain expression or conversation in precise detail, regardless of how much time has passed, based on how much of an impression it made on him and how much it has influenced him since.

Generally, Smokepaw has a fairly certain idea of the way things should be, but at the moment what it comes down to is: not this. As a young kit he understood the way the Clan functioned, the way it breathed, but since then he has brought everything he has ever learned into question and he wonders why things are the way they are when it makes absolutely no sense to him for things to function as such. He does not care for the negativity in life, preferring to look at the good, but the way everyone seems so centred on the bad is disconcerting and alarming to him and he tries to ward himself away from this. The goodness in the world is what he strives to attain, trying to attach himself and his Clan to this mindset and following it rigidly; however, they do not seem as cooperative, and the entire theory of the way the world should work is very fragile to him and he both holds onto it with everything he has but also wants to let go of it to allow new ideas to stream in. He wants to find security and kindness, not treachery; despite his occasionally hateful feelings for his Clan and Clanmates he does respect traditions and laws and believes that they should be upheld at all costs -- no exceptions, regardless of the reason, regardless of the motive. Smokepaw supports the idea that systems exist because they are proven to work, and if they failed they would not still be around; he isn't keen on trying things out in a different way, unless it is a proven, concrete method that is definitively better than the established method. One small exception to this is fighting; because of his agility and lightness on his paws he is willing to find ways to fight that better fit his body than the usual brutal strength methods.

He is a kinesthetic learner, meaning that he prefers to learn how to do something by actually doing it instead of watching someone or listening to an explanation of how to do it. He does not care for conceptual analysis or theory; he prefers materials in front of him rather than silly dreams in his head, creating art out of nothing. Practical application is something that appeals to him quite a bit, while traditional teaching styles of showing someone how to do it before allowing him or her to practise is something he doesn't care for. He would rather try a hunting crouch and conform it to his own personal style as opposed to having someone teach him how to do something allegedly properly. Watching someone actually practise a technique would work better for him, as in seeing someone catch something instead of just being shown the proper crouch technique. However, once he understands and knows this task and he understands the importance of it, he will carry through it until he either completes it or understands it well enough to do it fairly seamlessly and instinctively. He can be quite dependable as long as he gets the reason behind it instead of just being expected to blindly follow someone.

Smokepaw understands his body and the world around him in the way that it functions and interacts with himself; he is skilled at understanding the way a tree branch will respond to his weight, the way he shifts it, the way he will need to move in order to maintain his balance. He is familiar with how his body moves, with how his weight balances in each toe, with how he needs to adjust his muscles in order to slip between his Clanmates or do something similar. He understands space and can quickly determine how much room he has to do something. Function of things also comes easily to him, as well as aesthetic appeal, though he does not prefer anything except for simplicity. Because of his sensitivity to the feelings and desires that others may have, he can be skilled at teaching his Clanmates in his later years (once he has the opportunity to become a mentor) as he can watch them and figure out what would be the best teaching style for each individual.

He is extremely conscious of his own emotions, but he doesn't know exactly what to do with them. Although parts of him want to use them to see things in that light, he does not believe that is what is healthiest for him because that is what he did for several moons after he first found out about Cinderkit; instead, he tries to push his emotions away from analysis, and will only allow himself to feel them fully while he is alone or at least somewhere moderately private. Smokepaw does not believe it is best to let others see him when he is at his worst and will only occasionally express his happiness, trying to mask his feelings beneath something concrete and factual -- although exactly what that is, he himself isn't entirely positive. Also very aware of the feelings of others, he does his best to very carefully step around them in order to not upset anyone else; he knows what it is like to suffer and be alone and cannot possibly wish the same torture on anyone else, offering his help and guidance occasionally but otherwise just remaining sensitive and kind to the way others feel. He prefers to keep things inside, especially his negative feelings, although this may eventually turn into a firm judgement against someone or something and it is extremely difficult to get him to change his mind on this topic once his mind is set on it. Though he does know that he is capable of finding an outlet and learning to express his emotions, instead he prefers to keep them quiet and not breathe a word of everything; he doesn't mind internalising, although his body may disagree as his stress takes its toll on it.

Tying in with the fact that he doesn't really express his feelings, he also doesn't explicitly tell anyone what he is feeling; either that cat needs to figure it out on its own, or deal with not knowing how Smokepaw feels and thus deal with the consequences. He can be fairly difficult to read, though, never really allowing others inside of him because of the harsh walls that he has put up to block enemies and potential threats out. He does not feel very trusting of others and is very afraid of being hurt, so he does his best to avoid ending up in a situation like that by completely shutting others out. He also does not inform others of his habit of figuring out how they feel as well, preferring to let them have their emotions in privacy unless directly brought to him. Exceptions are made in cases where he feels as though that cat is not aware of what he or she is feeling and it is leaving him or her distraught, or events where he feels he might be able to help the individual understand or work through any issues that may be plaguing him or her. He feels a very strong sense of responsibility for others, almost finding himself accountable for their actions if he feels that he should have somehow dissuaded someone from acting a certain way or doing a certain thing. He takes all of his responsibilities extremely seriously and will not let them go without a fight, holding onto them and watching them until he no longer has a choice. He has a strong sense of duty and can be counted on to follow through, and for this, others can see him as someone to rely on; however, because of his previous weakness, they may not trust his ability to get through things and rely on him less than they might otherwise. Smokepaw has difficulties saying no and may become laden with more burdens than he can handle because he's so afraid and reluctant to let someone down, and he doesn't express these struggles to anyone because he does not want to appear weak or seem like a failure.

Conflict is something that is a huge problem for Smokepaw and he avoids it passionately. Almost always putting the needs of others above his own, he is not prone to stopping and putting himself first for once: instead he will back down in every sort of fight, save for physical, and allow whoever is attacking him to win while agreeing that he is in the wrong while the opposing party is correct about whatever it may be... even if he truly intensely disagrees. Fighting is a burden he is not willing to carry and he will back away from it, failing to identify, value, and express his own needs in favour of keeping the other cat from getting upset. He can become overworked and taken for granted in any situation he does not deliberately fight this in, and sometimes seems like a ghost in the background because he doesn't do anything to particularly stick out.

Although he doesn't know how to take a compliment, it can be argued that Smokepaw feeds off of positive feedback to remind him that what he is doing is right. If he is criticised, he will back down and become discouraged; if he's already in a bad place emotionally it will send him back into his spiralling depression that he has fought so hard to leave in his past. When he is already feeling down or extremely stressed, he will consider all the things that could go wrong in his life; this may range from his mother killing him similarly to how she did Cinderkit, or him being exiled from ShadowClan for being a depressed failure. He can get strong feelings of not being adequate and will convince himself that he can't do anything right.

Beyond this, Smokepaw can be quite warm and generous, and once he cheers himself up a bit he can become very dependable and someone to rely on. He is always willing to listen or help someone find some kind of solace, be that through a moonlit stroll or through just listening to him or her vent and express all the pent up emotions that Smokepaw has an uncanny knack for trying to sift through (and is often successful with these attempts). Capable of keeping things running in fairly smooth form and function, he is sensitive to others and their needs but not exactly to his own; something he needs to work on is giving himself the same recognition and warmth he gives others, and love himself similarly to how he loves his Clanmates (sometimes).

Despite the fact that his personality is one that is naturally one of introversion, emotions, and judgements, he can be very capable of having strong relationships, analysing things without letting his emotions interfere, and accepting change with little argument. He is more than the sum of his parts and this helps define who he is, even with the traumatic past that he has left behind him; he's an altruist, reaching out to others with kindness and engaging with them in an enthusiastic, generous manner, when he truly cares. Smokepaw combines his desire to be good with the desire to follow some sort of tradition, respecting rules but not if they mean harm on someone else. He can be meticulous to the point of absolute perfectionism, expecting nothing but the best from himself and not allowing himself to slack off or fall behind; he will spend time honing the things that he has learned as long as he understands their purpose and agrees that it is something practical. Though he has a tendency to procrastinate some, he can be relied on to get things done in a reasonable amount of time and isn't one to miss deadlines, if there are any assigned. His responsibilities are very personal to him and he consistently goes above and beyond the expectations, doing anything and everything he can in order to help not only prove to his Clanmates his worth and gain some moderate amounts of praise but also to actually make them happy and know that a job has been done well.

One thing that Smokepaw needs, though, is for his efforts to be recognised, otherwise he feels as though they are futile; he underplays his accomplishments and despite how his kindness can be respected it is also fairly easy to manipulate him. Cynical, selfish cats may take advantage of his dedication and humble attitude by pushing work onto him and then giving themselves the credit, and this is made easier because he isn't fantastic at standing up for himself and saying no even when he knows that it's time to; his confidence and enthusiasm only comes after the other cat's pride and joy, and he refuses to put himself first.

He can be naturally social, though he tends to be a bit more on the shy side; Smokepaw prefers to interact with his Clanmates in order to learn more about them, so he can understand details of their lives and know what is preferable. An example of this can be seen in him overhearing an elder grumbling about not enjoying the taste of a certain prey, and him from there on out refusing to take that kind of prey to the elder just to ensure his Clanmate's happiness. Somewhat imaginative, he can use that as well as his natural sympathy to help others through strife. Smokepaw does not care to sit idle when there is something useful that he could be doing, although late at night he will take some time for himself and isolate himself so he can think about things some and try to process events. He can connect with others on an intimate level, and he can use that ability to maintain a fairly strong relationship dynamic with his friends; he never feels comfortable fully in the spotlight and feels guilty taking credit for his efforts, but as long as they are recognised, he feels a level of satisfaction in what he does because he knows it has a reasonable purpose.

Smokepaw is quite supportive, acting as a bit of a universal helper by sharing his knowledge, experiences, time, and energy with anyone who requests it, and occasionally even those who do not. He can be reliable and quite patient with others, taking his time with tasks that he cares about, regardless of what it is, and can always be considered to be a shoulder to rest one's head on. Through his observations he can imagine how his Clanmates may react to something, and he will use this to be as empathetic as he can without infringing on personal space. At the same time, he is fairly enthusiastic and will put a lot of dedication, loyalty, and hard work into projects that he really cares about. Smokepaw also has capable practical skills, and he can use it to do something with his altruistic beliefs in order to help his Clan.

On the other hand, he is humble and shy and though he wants recognition for his work he doesn't want a lot of recognition -- just enough to know that he should continue doing what he is doing. He can take things extremely personally and doesn't show his emotions, so his Clanmates may not know what he is feeling or how he may respond to something at any given moment, and he can overload himself and end up a lot more stressed out than he may be otherwise. Because of his affinity and preference for tradition, he can be reluctant to change and believe in things that are a bit more realistic than his altruistic hopes.

Traits
Positive:

- Loving.

- Intelligent.

- Caring.

- Soft.

- Gentle.

- Compassionate.

- Soulful.

- Thoughtful.

- Controls his emotions.

- Good listener.

Negative:

- Cynical.

- Not trusting.

- Depressed.

- Shy.

- Essentially mute.

- Doesn't know who he is.

- Doesn't feel like he belongs.

- Hates himself.

- Hates his family.

- Constantly isolates himself.

Fears:

- His mother trying to fix things.

- Never feeling like he belongs.

- Never getting over his brother's death.

- Being alone.

- Never finding himself.

- Getting hurt emotionally.

- Losing his sister.

- Going crazy.

- Not being in control of a situation.

- Never finding a home.

Family and Relationships
Paternal Grandfather: Badgerfang, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan.

Paternal Grandmother:  Mapleflower, a calico she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan, killed by a dog.

Paternal Uncle:  Swiftclaw, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan, killed by a dog.

Father: Crowheart, a black tom; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Monument.

Paternal Aunt: Ravenflower, a black she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Witch.

Paternal Aunt:  Loonkit, a black and white she-cat; kit of ShadowClan, stillborn.

Paternal Aunt: Robinpaw, a calico she-cat; apprentice of ShadowClan.

Maternal Grandfather: Ashclaw, a black and white tom; warrior of ShadowClan.

Maternal Grandmother: Spiderstep, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan.

Maternal Uncle:  Nightkit, a black and white tom; kit of ShadowClan, stillborn.

Maternal Aunt:  Swankit, a black and white she-cat; kit of ShadowClan, stillborn.

Mother: Shrikestorm, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Fallow.

Sister: Orchidpaw, a black and white she-cat; apprentice of ShadowClan.

Brother:  Cinderkit, a black and white tom; kit of ShadowClan, killed by Shrikestorm.

Mentor: Shrikestorm, a black and white she-cat; warrior of ShadowClan. Played by Fallow.

History
Smokekit was born alongside Orchidkit, a pretty she-kit, and Cinderkit, a disabled tom that he did not even know existed until shortly after he turned five moons. His parents split shortly before his birth; Shrikestorm, a diligent she-cat who was happy to have a family, ended up parting ways with his father, Crowheart, because the tom had changed in ways that she did not agree with and he was no longer the tom she fell in love with. Smokekit did not know his father well. He didn't particularly understand why this was; every time the tom entered his line of sight, either the medicine cat or his mother would shoo the kit back into the nursery. It never happened with any others, and Smokekit was curious, anxious to understand. He and Orchidkit got along well, constantly playing, pretending to be leader and deputy, pretending to be the greatest warriors of the forest, having fun and being loud and happy -- as kits do.

As time passed, though, Smokekit's curiosity grew endlessly until he got to the point of trying to sneak out of the nursery and talk to his father, figure out why he was so estranged, because he had noticed that frequently the tom was headed towards the nursery, as if he wanted to speak with his kits. But he was always pushed away, and Smokekit never understood, but always wanted to. His grandparents also never seemed to be around, either; his grandfather looked on him with vague amounts of pride, simply because he was family. However, his grandmother looked at him with what seemed like devastation before quickly turning away and avoiding her. Because of these distant relationships, his intrigue constantly pushed him to get to the bottom of things.

He never did, not on his own. A little bit after he and Orchidkit turned five moons, his mother pulled them aside and confessed to them that they were not the only kits in their litter. The third one, Cinderkit, had been disabled, and after seeking Adderstar's counsel, Shrikestorm had murdered him. She murdered his brother. Smokekit was devastated, and saw his mother in an entirely new, evil light. Immediately he fell to pieces and fled from the camp, broken inside, desperate to find a reason not to throw himself into the lake and join the other bodies that were lurking there. Eventually he was found and brought back to camp, shaking and hurting. From that day, he rarely uttered a word to anyone. His relationships with anyone and everyone suffered, to the point where he would only occasionally talk to his sister. He was shattered and hurting.

Shortly after, he and his sister became apprentices, with him gradually closing in on himself more and more until he became a depressed, selectively mute mess.